Brite, Poppy Z by Love in Vein

Author:Love in Vein [Vein, Love in]
Format: epub
Published: 2010-12-24T00:09:53.563000+00:00

April 13, 1890 —The calendar says that it is April so I must believe it. I have lost track of the passing of the days and nights, and even the months. I have only recently broken my silence and written to Theo. I feel used up, like an old, ugly whore! I am mixing colors again, and I am seeing the colors of spring come back to this place with a wild and happy vengeance, but I am not painting good canvases.

May 16, 1890 — The world seems more cheerful if, when we wake up in the morning, we find that we are no longer alone, and that there is another human being beside us in the half dark. That's more cheerful than shelves of edifying books and the whitewashed walls of a church, I'd swear! And that companionship is something that the Fates have denied me. Lyrica is less than memory, like a half-remembered dream. I cannot imagine ever being happy in my life. Even the village is against me now, having the inspector jail me for being an incompetent. I have been in and out of the hospital so many times that I fear I am becoming a nuisance to everyone. It is only too true that heaps of painters go mad. I shall always be cracked, but it's all the same to me. When I become a nuisance to me, I will simply kill myself.

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